This Is Not My Beautiful Life

For years, I worked as an environmental lawyer, deeply immersed in the way ecosystems function. I was fascinated by the interconnectedness of things—how a single disruption could shift an entire landscape, how external forces shaped the delicate balance of life. But the more I studied the natural world, the more I saw those same patterns reflected in human lives.

We don’t just live in the world; we are shaped by it. By the families we’re born into. By the expectations society places on us. By the invisible structures that dictate what’s “normal” and acceptable. From a young age, we are conditioned to fit within these systems—to accept our environments as givens rather than something we can actively change.

It’s not until something shakes us awake—a moment of reckoning, a breaking point, or simply the refusal to keep playing by the rules—that we realize: Wait. I don’t have to live like this. I don’t have to accept this as my reality.

As the Talking Heads put it in one of my favorite lyrics: "This is not my beautiful house. This is not my beautiful life." That lyric captures the exact moment of realization that so many of us experience: How did I get here? We wake up one day and see our lives with fresh eyes. We recognize that we’ve spent years building something that no longer fits, or maybe never truly did.

The question then becomes—Now that I see it, what am I going to do about it?

The Wake-Up Call No One Wants, But Everyone Needs

Jane Fonda tells a story in Chelsea Chandler’s book that hit me hard. She was sitting across from Chelsea, delivering what can only be described as a moment of brutal honesty. The kind of truth that slices through the stories we tell ourselves, that forces us to confront something we’ve been avoiding.

Chelsea had been struggling, and Jane, in the way only Jane Fonda can, didn’t sugarcoat it. She laid it out clearly:
"Go find out what your problem is because your gifts are. And sometimes people with the most gifts have the easiest time throwing them in the trash."

She finished with a truth that I think every woman—especially those of us in midlife—needs to hear:

"Don’t be a product of your environment. Make your environment a product of you."

That line. That truth. It landed like a punch to the gut. Because so many of us are products of our environments, even when those environments hurt us.

We stay in jobs that drain us because we were taught that stability is more important than joy.
We stay in relationships that diminish us because we were taught that love is about endurance.
We tolerate stress levels that break us down because we were taught that taking a break is selfish.

And then, for so many of us, the wake-up call comes not as an epiphany but as a full-body revolt.

Because here’s the thing: society rarely allows us to step away, pivot, or reinvent ourselves unless we have an “excuse” big enough to justify it. If we just want to change for the sake of it, people push back. But if we’re sick? If we’re burnt out? If something dramatic happens? Suddenly, we’re allowed to shift.

For many women, that shift doesn’t happen until their 50s—when their kids are older, when they finally have some breathing room, when they realize they’ve been putting themselves last for too long.

But why should we have to wait for that permission?

My Own Moment of Reckoning

I had my own Jane Fonda moment years ago, though no one was sitting across the table from me spelling it out so clearly. I had to come to the realization myself: This environment is suffocating me.

I was living in a situation that was fundamentally unhealthy—a dynamic that drained my energy, distorted my sense of self, and made me question my own worth. I kept hoping it would change. I kept thinking if I did more, tried harder, adapted better, maybe things would shift.

But the truth was, some environments don’t change. Some environments refuse to grow.

And I had a choice: Stay and let this environment continue to shape me, or leave and reshape my life on my own terms.

Walking away wasn’t easy, but it was necessary. Because, as I came to understand, your environment affects everything—your mental health, your nervous system, your ability to dream, your sense of possibility. It’s not just about external circumstances; it’s about what those circumstances do to you internally.

The Shift: From Reacting to Creating

The lesson Jane Fonda gave Chelsea, and the lesson I learned the hard way, is one I now bring into my coaching, my retreats, and the work I do with women who are ready to step out of survival mode and into self-leadership:

• You don’t have to be a product of what happened to you.

• You don’t have to stay in environments that shrink you.

• You can create something different.

But that shift takes intention. It requires recognizing that we were taught to adjust, adapt, and endure when we should have been taught to evaluate, challenge, and change.

It’s why I created You First!—not just as a business, but as a movement for women who are done accepting life as it is and are ready to shape it in a way that works for them.

A Question for You

So let me ask: Are you reacting to life, or are you shaping it?

Are you waiting for something to give you permission to pivot?
Or are you ready to decide—without a crisis, without an excuse, without needing anyone’s approval—that this is not your beautiful life, and you’re going to create one that is?

If that question resonates, you’re exactly who I created You First! for. And I’d love to help you make your environment a product of YOU.